Jay M Holman
Yesterday I buried a friend, this wasn’t just one of those people we say my
friend so and so, this was one of those rare few that was a true friend.
The kind that will be there when you loose you shit, or needed anything.
I can count on one hand the true friends I have.
Right now I sit here and I reflect how precious life is having lost two
of my friends already I feel a great sadness in my life.
The both of them are now gone from this world in a way to short of a
time.
The
whole idea of the sport is similar to golf rules.
First you have a tee box and you can throw a Frisbee of disc anyway you
want towards a basket at the end of the fairway.
If you don’t get a “ace” hole in one, you take your next shot from
where you landed. You keep track of
those shots until you get it in the basket; each hole has a “par”.
Jays course by the time I went to play had a full 18 holes of discgolf
though the woods and field. Most of
the course was though the woods and several holes were very thick with trees.
It made it rather fun because even the best from time to time would hit a
tree and wind up in a royal mess. At
other times one had a “chance for greatness”.
First thing I was drawn to about the course was it was really social
place, and for the most part filled with good people.
Jay
had the course “members only”. To
become a member didn’t involve and dues or services required.
The members were allowed to bring friends and guests out to the course to
play with them. Jay would make a
point of introducing himself to you and chatting with you a bit.
Once Jay made a judgment on that kind of person he thought you was and
liked you he would offer you membership and put your name in his little book.
The
course was run totally on an honor system, small box on the ground for folks to
put their three dollars in for a round for five for the whole day.
Jay only had a few rules for the course the first one was “have fun,
relax” second rule had several parts, but basically put your garbage and butts
in the appropriate cans, and not to damage the course.
Monthly
he would hold single tournaments and random doubles.
These both were a lot of fun and a good time was had by all.
A fair amount of beer was involved and BBQ’s and one could win a bit of
money. During the 02 season I played
at the course at least a few times a week and during that time I played quite a
few games with Jay and got to know him more.
I
was truly impressed by this guy, everyday he walked the course and picked up and
lost items, garbage, and the occasional beer half drank sitting on a stump from
where someone took a shot. From
hearing about the creation of hapana it was a big undertaking and had taken
quite a few years and a lot of back breaking work.
Jay was the second in
It
was during 03 I guess that I really developed a friendship with Jay.
At the end of the season of 02 Jay had let me take home the basket from
“hole 18” to take care of for the winter as he went away during the winter
most of the time to warmer climates. One
day that spring I was driving by I saw Jays van had come back and was parked in
the lot so I pulled in.
I
knew Jay had been planning on selling the place and at the time he was waiting
on the guy to finish getting all his stuff in order and didn’t know what was
happening, but was planning on opening in a week or so if he didn’t get it
taken care of. As things worked out
Jay did sell the course and will his departure from it so did a lot of the
spirit with it. During the next few
years the place has become only a ghost of the course it once was.
At times one can go their now and sit half the day waiting for someone to
play a round with.
I
had invited Jay over to my house down the road from the course after he sold the
place quite often and we spent many of afternoons evening playing golf, drinking
some beers. I got to know Jay quite
well I felt outside the course and realized he was the same truly honest, good
hearted soul he appeared to be at the course.
About
the first few weeks when the sale of the place was up in the air and Jay was
spending the night at my house my father had gotten into the bike accident that
did ultimately lead to his death Jay was over at my house.
At the time I didn’t really have enough money to make the trip and
wasn’t exactly sure my truck would make it.
Jay gave me some money and even offered to bring me the 4 hour trip to
the hospital or go with me. We
really didn’t know each other hardly at all at the time but there was Jay
offering anything he could to help me.
During
that year Jay and I became fairly good friends spending a fair bit of time
together. I got to know more about
Jay and his travels abroad. All the
places he had been and the free spirit he truly was.
Jay would get these ideas in his head, and where more of us think, “I
cant do that”, like heading down to
The
things Jay truly loved were discgolf, fishing, his motorcycle, and beer… HEH J
He had a lot of passions to. Sometimes
in our talks and the many hours of them at times I would see Jay go from his
usual laid back nature to right vocal, and at times even loud about things he
truly believed in. The most recent
example had to do with new salt water fishing license they were trying to stick
us Mainers with. Now we have been
able to get a rod n reel forever and go down to the ocean and catch dinner
forever. Now we have regulations,
size, seasons, ect, however the state wanted to pass this law requiring a
license costing 15 dollars, they figured would generate like 6 million in
revenue, costing 4 million to run the office, staff, and paperwork costs,
basically fleecing us. Even with all
Jay had going on during the last couple months of his life he was “pissed”
about it. Few things he would say
“We should go fishing in protest”, “call the fuckers and let our voice be
known” and countless other things about how it wasn’t right.
I was glad to tell him the last time I saw him that bill had got defeated
in the state house.
Until
I was at the funeral yesterday and hearing a bunch of other folks talk about Jay
I suddenly realized seemed we all though the same thing.
That Jay didn’t really get home cooked meals.
The realization I came to yesterday was, Jay ate well a bunch of times
and usually a lot of it. I always
though of inviting him down to my house to eat and spend the night when we ate
pot-roast, and the “Deer-BQ”, He was always polite, made sure we had enough
food to eat, then usually cleaned up most of the leftovers and was ready for
desert.
Another
common thing I hear from people, anytime someone needed a hand from moving, to
building log houses, to many other projects, including his help I had cleaning
up the property I bought to helping me build some storage cabinets.
One could always count on Jay, I would hear a lot of reasons folks
couldn’t help or make it to events like my “deer-BQ” but Jay was one you
could count on unless of course he already was helping another one of his
countless friends or prior engagements.
Couple
of my favorite memories I have. First
one that I would share about a bass fishing trip we made couple years back.
I admit i was “killing them”, had landed good dozen or more awhile
Jay only had a few strikes. I have
him one of the artificial baits I was using thinking perhaps it would help him
out. Well it didn’t
change much. The funny part was when
Jay was said well you must be in the sweet spot.
So I responded with lets switch, I kid you not I think the first cast if
not second I pulled a nice bass out of the same hole Jay had been casting into.
His luck did change some, but I was definitely bass master that day.
We
made a few other rather fun fishing trips, one I remember took nearly 400 miles
I think by the time we was done. We
left from MDI and went to
Another
adventure was one the few couple of times I was able to talk Jay into ice
fishing was with my little brother. I
don’t recall exactly where we went, some place on the maps that looked good,
with the fish we wanted to catch. We
all headed out in my van, as we stated looking for this elusive boat
launch/public landing we could access the lake by.
Now I’m the fearless driver, I had the map, we was off.
We get to this lake and find these camp roads are glare ice and little
bit of crusty snow. Well we had
driven for well over and hour or maybe two to this lake and viewing the map it
looked like this launch couldn’t be far down the road.
We decide that what the hell we will try it.
That was when the adventure really began, down these icy, hilly, camp
roads I have really no choice but to keep the van moving, not even able to brake
because I know I will side right off the road an we will be really stuck.
Top it off none of us had any cell phone coverage.
At one point we got stuck between two steep hills and I had to bust out
the traction sand I kept in the back and sand the road to climb up the hill.
We
reach what appears to be the road that leads to the launch after what seems
forever and we drive down this road we latterly had to pull the mirrors in so we
could slip between the small trees. We
arrived at someone’s camp no boat launch in sight. So
we decide hell with it we are going to go fishing from here.
We climb down the hill to the lake and we find really thin looking ice.
We did couple depth checks and in theory we should be ok, however we tied ropes
to each other and worked our way out and set some traps.
We didn’t have much for luck for fishing, however we had a good trip,
even made it back out the road without much misshape.
The
last little story I will share was from last summer.
Since I started lobstering Jay had mentioned to me wanting to go out
lobstering some nice day that it was nice out and we was catching a few bugs.
Well he came out for his one and only day last year just after the 4th
of July, actually it was the day after the “deer-BQ” he came out on the
boat. We took it easy that day only
hauling somewhere around 250 traps. I
heard back from a few folks that hearing Jay talk about it after he used the
terms “hauling like madman”, “insane”, he told me “damn you work
hard” of course I replied this was and easy day.
I have to say he kept up with baiting pockets for the traps but he stayed
fairly close to the bait box, even said to me “damn this boat turns quick” a
few times.
At
one point I was picking a trap I hear Jay say “Ahhh mike” with a bit of
concern in his voice as I turn back to look I see this lobster just holding onto
his fingers. “What do I do” I laughed or came really close to it.
There he is just calm as could be with this lobster handing off his
finger. I reached over and popped
the claw off the lobsters so it would release and calmly told him that’s how
you can fix that. Good thing for him
it was only a shedder, nice hard shell would have hurt like hell.
The picture I have he posed holding a nice oversized lobsters, guess from
talking to quite a few others, I did damn good to get him to pose.
On
the way home we noticed the tide was low and we stopped and dug up some clams
for him to eat with his dinner. Give him a real seafood dinner. We had already
brought him home a nice lobster from the boat as well as some crab claws.
It wasn’t long after Jay ate dinner I heard him snoring.
It was a good day we had a good time.
That’s
one thing about Jay, we always had a good time.
Weather or not we caught any fish, or played a horrible game at discgolf,
or had dinner talking about the other countless things.
I
learned something about Jay Saturday I never knew about him before.
The license plate he had on his bike said “Dash”.
To be honest I never gave it much thought.
I found out that it was from a poem that was Jay’s favorite.
It was read aloud during the funeral service and it really made me think
of Jay and the way he was, the way he lived, and it brought tears to my eyes as
I heard the preacher recite it.
The
Dash
I
read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of his friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
from the beginning...to the end.
He noted that first came the date of her birth
and spoke of the second with tears,
but he said that what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.
For that dash represents all the time
that she spent alive on earth,
and now only those who loved her
know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
the cars, the house, the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard,
are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left.
(You could be at "dash mid-range.")
If we could just slow down enough
to consider what's true and real,
and always try to understand
the way other people feel.
And... be less quick to anger,
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read
with your life's actions to rehash...
would you be pleased with the things they have to say
about how you spent your dash?
...
I have created a guestbook for others to leave memories or comments about jay.